ode to the phone call

voicemails and all

I swear one of my earliest memories is hearing my mom chat on the phone in the other room. Her laughter is loud and unapologetic, it seemed she and her older sister were always belly laughing about something hilarious and adult (“omg omg I’m going to pee in my pants!!!!! stop it!!!” I heard from the down the hall). As a reading specialist who was (and still is) constantly consulting parents, teachers and colleagues, and a person who has four siblings, my mom was on the phone a lot growing up. I came to feel comforted by her spirited voice, dipping up and down with animation— phrases like, “Get out of town!” And “NO YOU DID NOT!!!!!!”

Cracking up. Clearly feeling energized after connecting with whomever was on the other end. Voice echoing through the house with a foot stomp for emphasis. My dad is also a phone talker. Every night after work during his commute, he calls his parents. Or a friend who lives on the other side of the country. Or me or one of my siblings or my mom. Ritual, comfort, sharing a moment, letting one in on where we are emotionally. We are a talk on the phone family!!

My mom and dad are also people who don’t hesitate to pick up the phone. I don’t think I’ve ever seen either of them check to see who is calling and then put the phone down. I’ve also inherited this habit. Even if I am walking around Whole Foods with Jed, supposed to be focused on our groceries, or if I only have two minutes to talk, I will answer the phone. Within reason of course—Do Not Disturb is now a frequented setting on my mobile device, and I don’t stress about about answering or not answering. But if I can and have the capacity, I will.

voicemails > voice memos

I love talking on the phone. I really do. In the age of texts, voice memos, facetimes and my personal nemesis: group texts— I will elect for a phone call every single time. I don’t want to figure out logistics over text. I don’t want to stare at my screen for literally one more minute. I want to hear your voice, feel into the energy of your current vibration and CONNECT. I want the back-and-forth. I’d love to know what you’re doing in the moment. A long walk and a chit chat on the phone is my love language. Quick interjections during a story, the catch of the throat describing an emotional moment, a sigh of exhaustion after a difficult conversation. I think there is something nostalgic and romantic about a phone call. Is it a lost art? Do others feel this way? I know some people don’t like the pressure or are simply less comfortable. I respect this, I’m not going to force anyone to talk on the phone with me. But for those who do— is that a shared experience amongst your loved ones?

In an age when we live faraway from our familes and friends, or simply have busy lives, I think talking on the phone is a way to feel just a tiny bit closer. Right now, I don’t have a robust community in Santa Fe, NM (working on this!) so connecting with loved ones in other states really does do something for me. Texts just aren’t it- I treat them as vehicles for quick information or a joke. I don’t mind a voice memo if it’s mostly to animate and give life to what would otherwise be a text, but it also does very little for me. Facetime is nice and feels present but also pointedly distant at the same time. Like—we are not together in this moment…even if I can see you…for someone who facetimes plenty it still doesn’t always compute for me.

I’m on team phone calls until the day I die. I hope I never get sick of them.

Below I’ve outlined some of my fave types of phone calls for fun. Please let me know if I’ve missed one of your beloved types.

favorite types of phone calls

long walk + talk

-I can move my body while processing my thoughts and emotions. Is there anything better. During a break up, I infamously (to no one but me) decided I had already talked to too many friends and family members about the break up, so I started just recording myself talking while walking, mimicking a phone call. We (I) laugh now, but honestly I would totally recommend if you need some verbal processing but feel you’ve tapped out your phone calls. During my 50k, a girl in front of me was on the phone for like 15 miles. Ultimate walk and talk. I digress…

commute call

-You’re driving from point A to point B. Or maybe you’re walking from point A to point B. This is great if you intentionally or unintentionally are looking for a time limit. It’s also great if you’re on a bit of a schedule or rhythm with someone, perhaps they are expecting a call during this time and perhaps you both really enjoy it. Maybe it’s more of a quick catch up, or review of the day. Highlights and low-lights or a great vehicle for a short but deep life overview.

I’m in the middle of doing something call

-Someone like Jed really hates this type of call but someone like me or my mom doesn’t mind it. I don’t know, sometimes I enjoy feeling like a harried corporate girl in the 90s, grabbing yogurt and a banana for lunch in between meetings: “I’m sorry I really should focus *puts phone in crook of shoulder to order from the deli counter* I have to go- I’ll call you after my last meeting” *click of a physical button to hang up*. Where is the romance in a text in this context. My neck hurts from looking down, I have 75 unread messages in the group text and I’m scrolling while trying to order my deli coffee. No thank you.

the call that will probably end in a voicemail

-Sometimes a birthday call or a quick check up on the grandparents. Maybe you know the person won’t pick up but you want to call anyway. My mom will leave me a voicemail no matter WHAT. “Hey Torty, just checking in- you’re probably still with a client. Call me back when you get a chance. MWAH”. I have 100 of these and I’m not deleting them. From my dad, “Court-o! Just driving home, love. Hope you guys are having a good night”. Note to self: leave more voicemails!!! Always. Pippa if you’re reading this, you also always leave voicemails which I love. Long live the voicemail.

the phone call that could be a text

Maybe a branch off of the above type. Call instead of text. Even if it’s, “we are in the parking lot over by the elevators.” It’s quicker, information is delivered, it’s a little bit fun and frivolous. If you’ve never spoken to someone on the phone, this is a great first phone call for your relationship. For example, you’re in a group of people and you’ve never hung out with one of them in a one-on-one setting. But you guys are finding parking and the group is split up and someone’s going into the restaurant first. Call the person you’ve never spoken to before. It’s casual enough-it’s just passing along information- but it’s also kind of deep and intimate. You feel closer now because you’ve shared this radio wave moment made possible by a mobile device. You’ll remember this feeling!

the birthday call

I will probably call you on your birthday. I don’t know why or when it started- likely before we sent text messages-but this matters to me. I love when someone calls me on my birthday, so I do my best to deliver this to others, though it might not mean anything to them. I love a bday and I love a phone call. You don’t need to pick up but I’ll probably call you and leave a voicemail.

get the info right now call

If I have a question about hours at a store or policy at a new gym- I call them. I would rather connect with a human than poke around the website wondering. This is similar to simply asking a an employee a question at a store rather than play the guessing game about where your favorite lotion is. A phone call, like an IRL question, is a chance to connect and get information you need!

the Ultimate Catch Up

The mother of all phone calls. The person you haven’t caught up with in FOREVER. The phone is charged. The tea is piping hot. The analyses and stories are rich. You might pee your pants from laughing. This could go on for two hours. The flow knows no bounds. Your dinner is getting cold and your fiancee is mouthing “we need to eat” while you have your feet up and your pants unbuttoned. Somehow the kitchen and bathroom got clean between the opening salutations and the last story. (Phone calls are PRODUCTIVE). Girlhood, humankind, all of the above. Life-giving and invigorating. Inspiring and thought-provoking, all at once.

call your people

Phone calls forever. Cackling and connecting and walking and talking forever. I hope I never get sick of a good chit chat. Maybe this has convinced you to pick up the phone and have a good old call. Maybe it’s cemented your opinion of hating them. Either way, communication and connection with loved ones is valuable AF. I hope you find a medium you love.

Call me,

Courtney