the ritual of getting dressed and how it changed my mind

it's always a little deeper than we think

The Age Old “I have nothing to wear” staring at a semi full closet

It was October of 2023 and I was in the thick of it. My credit card balance was…balancing… I was staring at my $90 monthly Nuuly with a mixture of intrigue and guilt (why am I spending this money to never own these clothes…they are not contributing to my actual closet etc). I was scrambling to fill my work schedule with part time work while going to school. The point of not working full time was to have more room mentally, and feel less stretched thin…but in turn, I was stressed about finances, feeling incredibly limited and absolutely ~marinating~ in scarcity. I felt like I didn’t have money to spend on clothes (or anything) I wanted to, therefore I didn’t feel like myself, therefore I didn’t feel enough, therefore I was frustrated with my current clothes, therefore I was focused on my clothes and body and all of the ways my life was Not How I Wanted it to Be Right Now.

I couldn’t see past the present moment— in just a year’s time I would be getting paid to do something I always wanted to do! I would be IN the work, not just halfway, not just through an internship or classes. In just a year’s time I would be a licensed therapist but, alas, it didn’t matter in the moment.

I pawed through my closet, so sick of what I had, feeling like nothing went together, feeling lame and embarrassed. Shame and frustration. If thoughts of “that’s shallow” are crossing your mind, that is okay. I’ve always felt that clothing is a way to express oneself and at this time in life, whether real or imagined, I really felt like I couldn’t express myself how I wanted to.

You Have to Reach Your Personal Point

So I finally got sick of myself. This is a point I talk about a lot with clients—sometimes we replay our patterns over and over again and wonder why and I honestly feel that sometimes we simply need to reach the point of being capital O Over it.

I was watching my attitude turn sour, I was catching myself growing resentful of those around me who did seem to have enough (time, money, freedom, etc),and I was knee deep, sloshing around in old childhood money beliefs and frustrations. It felt so yucky and I was officially OVER IT.

Create > Consume

As any modern millennial would, I turned to TikTok. Instead of scrolling and admiringorfeelingenviousof other creators who seemed to be wearing something new every day, I committed to sharing 30 days of “playing with the clothes I already have to remind myself I don’t always need something new, at least not all the time”. I cancelled my Nuuly. I stopped scrolling and wondering how everyone was getting new things all the time.

first day of posting October 2023! I feel like you can feel how uninspired I was feeling via this outfit

For 30 days I consciously approached my closet with brand new eyes. Outfits I had worn dozens of times for past jobs were worn again but with new energy, a new accessory, a belt from Jed’s closet, a layer I had never worn before with it. My everyday athleisure outfits were inspired by characters from movies or those I made up in my head. I wore things that were decidedly “out of style” and forced myself to play with them. I experimented with silhouettes and textures I had never donned before. I found myself putting on mascara, or doing my hair in a different way. I ironed (?!) my jeans, I folded my sweaters nicely, I got a thrifted coat dry cleaned. I started to think about the stories behind the clothes I had. My mom’s vintage sweater, my great grandmother’s cardigan. A thrifted pair of jeans I cherished. The boots I got on poshmark that were worn in a past life.

And what do you know: I started to feel better. My creative energy was lit the fuck up. I went to bed excited about the outfit I would wear the next day. I started to realize just how much was in front of me and how little I actually needed. My urge to purchase had really quieted. Because I was feeling more confident and creative, I didn’t feel resentful or envious anymore. Don’t get me wrong— I was still excited about different pieces of clothing that I didn’t have but I was no longer feeling lame simply BECAUSE I didn’t have them.

I took stock of items that I had plenty of, and realized items I had none of. I realized I had no purse, but lots of sweaters. Jeans, but not a casual pair of sneakers. (I actually still don’t have a casual pair of sneakers. Sure, I’d love some Salomon’s but I am not s t r e s s i n g about this. It’s okay to notice these things and practice patience. However I did end up purchasing a purse for $25 on eBay a full six months after starting this series. It remains one of my most complimented items. It is my only true purse and I love it).

look at the evolution!!!! confidence and creativity were building

I was feeling so grateful, so happy, so creative. I felt good because I was taking time for myself in a new and intentional way. Sure, I was well practiced in other areas of self care like moving my body and fueling myself but this was purely creative, purely FUN, and yet its ripple effects were astounding to me.

Playing every day was so JOYFUL!

The Unexpected

Another thing happened which was such a surprise: I acquired a few new items for free. I had submitted a photo of my six year old Blundstones (that were completely cracked in the sole) to the Blundstone website, and they sent me a new pair?! A friend of mine who I had helped with some personal style stuff gave me a gift card, and suddenly I had a new pair of pants and a shirt. My mom gave me a sweater she didn’t want. My sister handed over a pair of vintage jeans because she didn’t like their fit.

What in the world?? So many shifts happened. I had solidified a routine of getting dressed for ME, even if all I was doing that day was online calls. During Thanksgiving and Christmas people said, “you’re inspiring me to shop from my closet and play with my clothes!” If only they knew where this journey started and what it meant to me.

It Will Always Find a Way

What I know for a fact is that our self doubt will find a way to manifest, some way, some how. Whether you find yourself focusing on your body, clothes, routine, skincare, career, relationship, parenting, parents, friendship—you NAME IT, if the self doubt is there it will find a way to nestle into the psyche. So instead of hyper focusing on “fixing” that area of your life, I think it’s important to take a look at where we are being kind, loving, gentle and sweet with oneself. How are we building up self worth as a practice in and of itself? Is it through these areas (skin, body, career, etc?) Is it even present?

Below I’ve listed the five ways I approached this idea through the ritual of getting dressed. Maybe you can apply these practices to your particular area of frustration, or simply observe how you might borrow some of these approaches to your own life.

Let’s Say You’re Feeling Not Enough in the Context of Closet

Here’s what I would do

1. Don’t do what you think would “fix” the issue

   1. In the case of closet— if you think buying new items would fix your frustrations, don’t do that! Instead, sit in the decision of purposely not purchasing new items. If you’re staring at your skin and feeling annoyed, challenge yourself to not purchase the new serum. If you’re feeling stuck in your body, embrace not restricting your food tomorrow.

2. Create joy RIGHT NOW with what is in front of you

   1. In the case of closet, this means practicing LOVING your clothes! Look at them. Remember the stories and memories associated with them. Touch them, feel them, cherish those babies. Look at your body and all that it’s done for you. How many dances you’ve danced, booties you’ve bumped and hands you’ve held. Challenge yourself to find that joy. Which leads me to my next point.

3. Take care of your things

   1. Iron your clothes. Reorganize by color. Get that one thing dry cleaned. Steam the silk pjs. Reorganize your underwear drawer because Lord knows that needs doing. Dust off the bureau and polish your one pair of leather boots. How could this apply to other areas of life? Giving yourself a long luxurious self massage, gently gua sha-ing your face. Dry brushing your skin. Getting to your yoga class early instead of rushing. Making time for the walk and equipping yourself with water and electrolytes after. Take. Care. Of. The. Little. Things. (they are the big things)

4. Practice gratitude

   1. Boring! Too simple! Lame! Doesn’t work! Too bad, yes it does : ) Think of your negative thoughts less as deep and meaningful truths but rather annoyingly imprinted habitual loops. If you do not meet these thoughts with an effort to rewire them, they will persist. What goes well with practices like thought rewiring and reframing? Spending some time in the subconscious. Meditation and EFT tapping are my two favorite forms of this practice. However, check out Insight Timer or Youtube for longer hypnotherapy options.

5. Get creative and playful

   1. For me, this meant sharing a daily video on TikTok. Getting dressed in a cute outfit, playing with my clothes and then editing a silly little video with music? Literally so fun to me. But see what that means for you. If it means trying a different movement style because it seems fun —do that. If it means writing sticky notes of love to self in the mirror or making a photo collage of makeup looks you like— do that. Maybe the creativity comes in a completely different form. I don’t have all the research in front of me, but I strongly believe in the power of play and creativity. It simply makes life much much more enjoyable.

A Year Later

So there it is. A year later, I’m still playing with my clothes and posting daily videos on the internet. I am about 100% less attached to what I THINK my closet means. I truly love what I have. I am far more discerning when it comes to purchasing new items. I don’t worry about not having enough anymore because I have so much practice in flexing the muscle of “enough”. If my closet reduced by 50% tomorrow, I have immense confidence I would be A-OK.

A note on accumulating more and purchasing new items again: I now know a LITTLE BIT of the world of social media when it comes to gifting. I’ve received multiple free gifts from brands and it’s a really interesting and odd experience. Picking out a free $250 sweater and that just being…normal? It’s bizarre-o. If you catch yourself comparing online, please just remember that brands spend thousands on gifting items to creators. People get a LOT of shit for free.

Self worth, self love, abundance, enough, and gratitude are right under our noses. It doesn’t take very much to tap into that space. We just need to want to, be willing to try, and be open to feeling like we actually…are… worthy of it all (you are and always have been).